49: A Quick Exercise for Cultivating Appreciation and Gratitude

Here are the questions for the exercise: 

1. What have I received from my partner?
2. What have I given to my partner?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused my partner?

For more about Jason's therapy practice, visit here: https://coloradorelationshiprecovery.com/

Transcript

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What's up everyone as always. Thank you so much for listening and that is an exercise to cultivate, appreciation and gratitude. And I think we all can agree that those are fundamentally a lot this week in my practice. The exercise is basically I'll have both partners. Write out these questions. And then once they written them out, they will share that with their partner and this had the potential to. Cultivate. The feeling of gratitude, love, appreciation. And let me share those questions with you right now. The first question is what have I received from my partner? And if I was reflecting on this. Using my relationship. I would say what I have received from Jess. Is a companionship. Love trust. Openness. Affection. A family. Write your answer out. I'm going to put this into show note. So if you're driving, maybe you can pause and reflect on it and then write it out later. The next question in this exercise is what have I given to my partner? So if I was reflecting on it, what I have given from my perspective, I would say love. Appreciation affection trust. Companionship. A desire to be better. A desire to be on the same team in regards to parenting. Then the last question is what troubles and difficulties have I caused my partner? And this is a good question. So I would say if I was answering this. It would be. Uh, judgment. criticalness financial stress. Uh, Jess and I were on opposite ends of the money spectrum. And my financial habits with let's put it that way has caused her stress. And the reason why we reflect on this last question. Is because if you share this with your partner, it can be a bit of relief. It can signal. Okay, great. You know, you're aware of how you're a pain in the ass. And also that awareness can be some relief. Also it signals that you continue to be mindful not to continue that. And that is a really good thing. Also, it validates that. You acknowledge you see your partner, you have listened. To your partner in regards to the troubles and difficulties you have caused them. And I always ask couples to share this with each other. And like I said, it can't be a relief. Also. In terms of gratitude. When you reflect on the troubles and difficulties, you have caused your partner. It can create gratitude because they choose to be with you. Despite how you're a pain in the ass. And let me share we're all a pain in the ass. And also too, if you can look honestly, At your side of the relationship Seesaw, so to speak. That is a sign of health. You know, what would be unhealthy? It's well saying that you don't cause your partner any troubles or difficulties. It may not be best if you share a subtle jab at your partner. For example, I have such a high standard of cleanliness, or I demand us to be a well oiled machine all the time, because you gotta be careful because sharing it that way. may inadvertently be signaling. That your partner is not clean. Or is lazy. No, I know I'm taking that to the extreme. But again, we don't want to be judgemental when we are looking at our side of the Seesaw. We want to stay on our side, so to speak. And just a note on that to Stan Tatkin and one of my mentors. He says no one signs up for a relationship because they want to be changed. Again, we want to stay on our side. And of course you can request your partner to do. Or not do something, but I've also heard a provocative statement. That I think is primarily true. That is. If you ask your partner. For something more than once. Then you're trying to control. So the main question is. Can you accept your partner wholeheartedly? Or another way of looking at it. Can you grieve what you're not getting but appreciate what you are getting There is no perfect partner. So the purpose of this exercise is to appreciate what you are getting and to look honestly at your side of the relationship And to own it And to strive to get better and also to have some gratitude that your partner stays with you despite the fact that you're a pain in the ass Just like me. All right thank you so much for listening if you thought this episode was cool. I would love you to give a review and share with someone who may benefit. Again. Thank you so much for listening you rock.