Solving Disconnection & Creating Connected Relationships (for Couples & Parents)

18: A Toxic Relationship Coach Speaks

September 28, 2022 Jason A Polk
Solving Disconnection & Creating Connected Relationships (for Couples & Parents)
18: A Toxic Relationship Coach Speaks
Show Notes Transcript

Bre Wolta is a relationship clarity coach, and in this episode, she talks all about TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS...  Having experienced the cycle of toxic relationships herself, it's Bre's passion to help women find clarity in their relationships.

We also discuss boundaries, and how to know what's your fault....

Get in Touch:
Get the freebie mentioned in the episode: 7 Questions to Ask Yourself if You Think You Are in a Toxic Relationship Masterclass
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I use the term toxic in a in a way to describe a relationship that severely dysfunctional. So if the relationships severely dysfunctional, and both people have the drive and the determination, they want to fix it, and are both putting in the work, start to rebuild that trust with each other.
Welcome to The Healthy Relationship secrets, prepares podcasts, saving your relationship from parenthood. So the question is, how can we be great parents and have an amazing relationship at the same time? That's the question. And this podcast will provide the answers.
Thank you so much for joining me for this interview. And I'm really excited. Because Bree, you specialize in helping people navigate toxic relationships, and toxic relationships? Can you share a little bit about what you do? Yeah, I am a toxic relationship coach. And really, my overall mission is to help women feel empowered enough to let go and to heal from toxic relationships. Okay, awesome. And then would you say, heal? So do you primarily work with people who have exited a toxic relationship? Or you work with them? You know, we're, I guess, in the midst of it. Yeah, I work, I tend to attract a couple of different, or women in different stages of releasing, right. So the first stage would be, you know, they sort of have this gut feeling that something's not right in the relationship, they might be feeling pretty hopeless, and sad and depressed, and kind of like they're banging their head against a wall with with trying to make the relationship work. And so they're still in the relationship, but they kind of have this either desire to leave, I don't know, how are they a lot of guilt around the idea of thinking of leaving. So that's sort of one, one type of woman that binds me. Another type would be someone who is very aware that the situation is toxic, and has usually left a couple of times and can't stop going back. And so we do a lot of work around, like, interrupting the need, and the reflex to go back to a toxic situation. And then the third kind of category of woman is the one who has left, and knows it's toxic, it was a horrible ending. Typically, in all of these situations, there's been some psychological abuse, there's been gaslighting, manipulation. So helping them really let go of the idea of what they thought the relationship was going to be, and who they thought the person was, and then healing from the experience that is going through a toxic relationship, because there's so there's so many nuances in an experience of that, and then to also hold the grief of losing a relationship. You know, much like the grief of any relationship, it's just sort of amplified with all of these other really confusing components that come with your experience. And ego mind, do you share a little bit about how you got into this work? Yeah, absolutely. So I was in a, or in a was codependent also, but in a toxic relationship, myself, and was with this person for about four years. The relationship in the beginning was like a fairytale beginning it was just everything I wanted in a man and in a relationship. And it was just, it felt too good to be true, almost. And slowly, as we progressed through the relationship, it started to feel less that way. We had a couple of big nose dives, I was just feeling very depressed and sad and alone, and really could recognize that there was, you know, not space for me to share my needs or my wants, or, you know, everything was too much. which put me kind of just in this place of isolation. You know, the partner that I thought was supposed to be the one that I could go to with all these things. And really being super confused of why what had changed because I had seen our relationship be one way and then it was completely different. And in my head, this was the person that I was committed to, that we had talked about marriage and spending a life together and so me being a loyal person, it was really hard to sit with. You know why this feels so different than it doesn't beginning. And I you know, I've been codependent I am a recovering codependent. I grew up through, grew up in a very codependent family situation as well. And I can see now how much that played into our dynamic. And the codependency, in addition to some gaslighting, and some wives and all the other things that came out afterwards. You know, in hindsight, I can see what it was. But in it, I was I was so in the fog of the situation, that all I could really see was this feeling of hopelessness.
The red flags, I think part of me knew that my intuition knew somewhere, there was more of me externally trying to go to therapy for myself, and for both of us, trying to read all the self help books, you know, I was taking courses on Attachment styles and trying to learn my love language, and like just doing everything I could, to try to fix the relationship in a very one sided way, which clearly didn't work. Our biting just became, you know, more and more intense. And I was turning into a person and a woman that I didn't recognize anymore. A lot of the behaviors that I was having, I didn't, I didn't want to be that person. And that was sort of the biggest awareness moment that I had in our journey was like, Oh, my God, like, this isn't even about him anymore. This is about like me, which was a huge shift from being so externally focused towards him. So having that awareness, and piecing together some other red flags and things that happen sort of, in more of an intense way that were kind of undeniable. Towards the end, I found the strength to finally leave. And through that process, that was one of the first times that I had ever set a boundary, like, needed to hold a boundary, not just the boundary of the relationship ending, but I had to do, I had to put a lot of boundaries in place to keep myself safe. It got to a pretty, pretty nasty, intense degree. And that experience, moving through not only the, you know, coming through the confusion of what relationship was and then leaving, and then what the hell do I do now that I've just turned my entire world upside down. Putting all those pieces together is really how I've crafted the containers that I hold for women. Because I've done it firsthand. And I, like, I love it. I don't love to laugh. But every time a client tells me something that they, you know, have maybe haven't told anybody or feel so ashamed or thinking or feeling or feeling like I've been there. I know exactly what, what led you to do or think that thing. So as terrible as the experience was, and as painful and horrific in a lot of ways. It's really brought a lot of beauty to my life now to be able to hold space for women. So non judgmentally. And see them make huge shifts towards their empowerment and towards decisions for themselves, and really take their power back in. Yeah, that's so great. That's such a cool story. Thank you so much for sharing, you know, as I was listening to you, I wonder some people may assume, for me, thing, that's really easy, this leave. But there's there's so many moving parts, right? There's the beginning, the experience of what the excitement what happened in the beginning, you know, obviously you have a life together, we love the person. And the idea of like a gotcha boundary, you know, it's just, I mean, I guess is what I'm trying to say is this empathy for nurse story. And doing the work is it's not easy. Yeah, it was, it was the perfect storm for sure. Like you're saying, like, you love the person, you've experienced them being differently and you've held on you're like, clinging to that idea, that hope that the relationship is gonna get back there, or that person is gonna get back to the person that they were. And you I call it potential land because it's it. For me it was such a dissociation, like holding on so tightly to that place that I wasn't, I wasn't acknowledging what was actually happening. Or I was discounting a lot of the behaviors because like, no, he's, he's not a bad person. Like I've seen him be a good person and I've seen him love me, even though everything he's doing right now is very disrespectful. And so it was a A lot of lot of arguing with myself back and forth. But I think that the power of hope, put us into some challenging places if we don't sort of like check ourselves on what's actually happening. And then if you've never set a boundary before, as it was, in my case, like I was, I went from, like, kindergarten level awareness of boundaries to, like masters level in a matter of like, one decision, you know, and it was, it took a lot of people supporting me through that, and a lot of reminders that I was making the right decisions.
Because another part of leaving is this confusion around, Was it my fault? You know, because you're being fed, all of this, all of this gaslighting, all this manipulation, that it's your fault. And and you believe that, and you really do at your core, believe that, which is why it is so hard. Part of the reason it's so hard to leave. Because it's this internal fight, where you're like, I don't think that's meant well, but he's telling me it is and I trust this person, or I thought I trusted this person. Like why would you tell them something? That's not true? Yeah, so there's a lot, there's a lot of pieces. Yeah, you know, and I think it's, I guess they challenge the difficulty of having that realization. Wait, this is not all my fault. And part of it? I mean, I guess you don't really know the answer. But how do you get there? I don't know if you have any, like insight on that. But I think that's a really, I don't know, the boundaries, kind of billing yourself. I don't know, what is that? Or you can say a little bit more about that. Yeah, yeah, there's, there's an exercise I take my clients. It's the very first session that we do, because this is such a big part of like, choosing to leave or choosing to heal, is we take inventory of these behaviors, and, and the way he's made her feel, and it's so profound to watch women go through this experience, because, I mean, sometimes they'll talk for a straight 45 minutes, listing, like, the horrific things that that the other person has done to them. And at the end, you know, I asked him, like, what was it like to say all that out loud, and they were like, it sounds really bad. Like, I didn't realize how, how bad and how real this is, because you don't often stop to like, categorize, or list everything that's happened. And sometimes it's not even over the relationship. Sometimes it's just in the last week, or the last couple of months when things started getting really bad. So it really helps them come back into reality. And I'm a huge proponent of data. Because data, you can't negotiate with data. And so we make a lot of lists about what's real, what happened, how they actually felt. And then I have been references throughout our, our 12 weeks together, because the brain is a really powerful, powerful, powerful thing. And it will take you back to all of the happy memories, you know, that maybe happened three years ago, but you're stuck on that one place, instead of acknowledging everything that's happening right now. I love the idea of an inventory. That's great. And that data doesn't lie. That's awesome. Yeah, so do you think that one person and I know that one person can make the relationship healthy? Or do you feel that it takes two to tango, so to speak, always too. I mean, it takes two to make it healthy, and it takes two to make it unhealthy, which is something that I try to speak really clearly to in that I'm not villainizing one person in a relationship, there might be one person who has more toxic behaviors that are, you know, being exhibited, more more painful, more malicious, like, if you're looking at the relationship looks like they're the bad guy, right? But you wouldn't be in a toxic relationship, if you weren't comfortable with toxicity if you weren't also playing in your own dysfunctional patterns and your maladaptive behaviors. So to just blame that person for everything is not helpful because then you get rid of that person and then you find another person and you do the same thing. So you have to take responsibility for your part of that. Which is really hard to Do and that comes through the process more slowly of like, first getting out of the situation, getting out of the fog of the situation. And being able to hold them accountable
for their part is really important because there's often a lot of justification that's happening, or a lot of downtime or behaviors. So we got to get there first. And then once we can get there, it's like, okay, how does this person represent somebody in the past? Or what are you gaining from being codependent with this person, you know, and it, it moves through helping them understand that like, there are pieces of this, that they can change within themselves, so that they don't keep repeating these patterns to people. So that they answer your question, but no, it doesn't one person cannot fix the relationship either. Because a relationship is relational with two people. So both people have to be putting an effort and, you know, having the desire to take accountability and to repair after a rupture. And, you know, both people have to be active in participating in that. Well, and so, going back a little bit, if you have any advice for someone who is new at SETI, the boundary or limit, or whatever you want to call it? Yes. I was thrown into a very rushed, like kind of life or death manner. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't recommend that. What I would recommend first is that you get really clear on what it is that you value in life, like what, what are your values, because your values are the way that you orient yourself, with people and with yourself. So if I really value kindness, I'm going to act kind towards other people, and then I'm going to expect other people to act towards me. And so once you know what you value, it's pretty much you need to protect. So if you need to protect your happiness, then you need to set some parameters around your happiness in order to protect it. So if someone starts treating you very unkindly, or repeatedly just disrespecting you, you can set the boundary of like, Hey, I'm not going to accept this behavior, you don't have to change. But if you don't change, then I can't be in relationship with you. And so you have to first know what the hell you're protecting in order to protect them, which I think is where a lot of people get tripped up. Thinking boundaries are like this. They're mean, that's what they think is like, I know, if I set a boundary, then I'm a bad person, I mean, it's going to upset the other person. And it's, in reality, it's just a way to protect yourself. Like what you said, they may initially feel that you need for bigger picture, I found that zoom and its boundaries only get through. So obviously, but at the end, it's good for the relationship. Because that means I can study for healthier. And I would like to to be healthy. And if not, then, okay, I gotta do something else. Yeah, it's so it really is a win win. situation. It's an uncomfortable situation at times. But if you set the boundary, that you need someone to be, you know, invested in their home, and they don't show up, then that gives you clear information that like maybe this relationship is not working, which is a win, because any type of information that helps him decisions. And if you say that, and then they are like, Oh yeah, I actually do value health and they start changing their behaviors to match that. That's also a win. So it's, it's, it's a no lose situation, but it's just really uncomfortable to to have to set that boundary and then allow the other person to show up or not, and potentially have to end a relationship or end the dynamic that you guys have, for sure. Well, and as you're speaking what I make up is a lot of what your work is and then feel free to correct this is that maybe you rely on like you said data logic, because any sort of decision in regards to our relationship and changing the dynamic, your even meeting is going to be emotional. So Did I did I get that right? Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of coming back into Logic so that you can assess the situation more, more accurately. Because oftentimes when you're in that really emotional place, and it's tied up in the anxiety and the trauma and there's a lot of in there, see get very like A single focused almost like a, like you wouldn't fight or flight, right? There's like, there's no other options, the only option is to stay and be miserable
and to discount what he's actually doing. And so when you can come back into Logic, I think it helps the nervous system calm down enough where you to see like, Oh, this is undeniable information. I don't like how this information makes me feel. And I have the power to choose something differently. Like it's it's very concrete, I guess instead of like, overwhelming and emotional and spirally. Yeah, no, but I mean that that's great. And then as you were mentioning, we have to think a little bit of like most steps in the story. But my parts, yeah, it's really cool, because that's how people change, to be able to look honestly, at the situation. And the way based effects. Yeah, I say, with every client that I started with, and like, you will get the most out of this experience, if you are brutally honest with yourself and with me, because our secrets keep us sick, right, that's also another part of the 12 step community, the more that you keep internal, the less you can come back into the logic of it, the more you hold shame, and embarrassment, and pain around it. And the harder it is to speak to the longer that you hold it. So like, I mean, 90% of my, my role in a coaching capacity with women is to help them feel safe enough to say the things that they've never said, because in the relationship to is unique experiences, people will ask you, like, oh my gosh, how's it going as your partner, you guys look so happy. And in my, my experience, like our external facing to the world was pretty perfect. Like, you know, we nobody would have known because I didn't allow anybody to know. And I held a lot of guilt around. Especially after the first couple of news dates, and we broke up one time before the actual ending. There was so much embarrassment there. Like, I failed this, I've invested four years in this person, I thought this was going somewhere and I failed. And so you isolate because of the shame and guilt. And so to be able to be in a space with a coach, who's non judgmental? who's been through it, like them just saying things out loud? Is is healing in and of itself. experience that in therapy? Yeah, for sure. No, I'm going to first sharing the story. And finding someone like yourself, like a trusted individual that will provide space validation, and will be non judgmental, usually do and get some of the stuff recorded out, at the very least. So that's awesome. You know, I just think about your program. Really, I mean, from my perspective, gosh, it sounds like it can be just what the doctor ordered for some of the clients because that's some of the stuff you're, you're seeing the share your inventory, and knowing your values. That's important too. And then you mentioned that knowing what I need to set a boundary around what I need to protect. And I have found to this is a little bit subtle, that when we do practice boundaries, we also continue to know more about ourselves, kind of like there's kind of like a beneficial cycle in a way. Yeah. And then there, you can get more competence as a result of it. But you're really cool. There's so much self sacrifice that happens in codependency and in toxic relationships. And they're often always, in my experience so far with clients, that's always been a component to codependency that's stemmed from childhood. So it's, it's behaviors that you grew up and you just know that you self sacrifice, you know, that you know, care for the other person more than you care for yourself, you know, to not have kids. And so to start to set boundaries. It's such a power boost, like, like holy shit like I can, I can help people. I don't want them in my life if they're doing XYZ just because they're doing X, Y and Z and not having to give reasons or justification or anything. It's like, like, what secret have I been from my whole life? This is cool. It's so I mean, I guess another way of saying it, a lot of people you We've been overly empathetic to other people and not to themselves. Yeah.
Yeah, it's, yeah, it's a learned behavior, right from the codependency. And it's also I think of a personality trait to be more empathetic. There's a lot of people that just are super caring, you know, they feel everyone's emotion so deeply, they care so much for other people they want to help, they want to see others succeed. And that's genuine. But when it gets to the point of choosing the other person over yourself, that's when it gets toxic. So that's, that's one of the responses I get from women often is like, I don't want to be like, this culverted, ice queen that doesn't care about people, like you can care about people, but it needs to come from a genuine place of caring from a very full cup, right and not from a place of happy having to to keep this person in your life or some other manipulative tactic that you can't see as manipulation. But if you really dissect why you're doing that thing, it's usually to avoid being abandoned, or to get the external validation, or to somehow feed yourself things that you aren't able to see yourself. So helping women like really build their self confidence and their self respect, more so than that. For me, I know when I started setting boundaries, and again, my situation was, was on the intense end. But I had this visual of like, a lioness protecting her cub, and the cub being my inner child, who I, who I had been not paying attention to for probably my whole life. And it became clear that the decisions I was making was, was protecting her from, from her fear and from getting repeatedly hurt and repeatedly betrayed. And it was like, this is a whole different level of respect. It was, it wasn't just me setting boundaries. For me, it was like, I'm gonna protect her. And that really helped me stand behind the harder, more painful boundaries that I had to say that. I like that great analogy. But do you think that a relationship depends on the definition, but maybe like a, quote unquote, toxic relationship? Do you feel that they can change to a healthy one? And yes, I feel like goes back to your question of if both people are participating. So I use the term toxic in a in a way to describe a relationship that severely dysfunctional. So if their relationships severely dysfunctional, and both people have the drive, and the determination, they want to fix it, and are both putting in the work, whether that's in couples therapy, and or it's working on communication, it's holding, non judgmental space, it's getting, becoming aware of what your triggers are, so that when you are triggered, you can take space, in order to not keep rupturing the relationship farther. And you start to rebuild that trust with each other. So I think with with intensive work and focus, yes, absolutely. With the women that I've worked with, and in my experience, the other partner can't take accountability for for their part. And so that's where the gaslighting manipulation comes in, because they have to deflect that they're doing anything wrong, or that they're hurting you because they themselves can't hold that understanding. Like they can't let themselves go there. And so you have a partner who is not willing to participate, and you keep trying to overcompensate to fix the relationship. That's not going to work. Definitely know that firsthand. So you're putting in like, 90% of the effort. And taking little breadcrumbs of them showing up easily. And saying something occasionally that's like, Oh, you're doing your work, or this feels like you're grasping this concept. They take so much, so much intense effort to rebuild a relationship, especially if there's been dishonesty, or infidelity, or betrayal of any kind. Yeah, it's, it takes some effort. So if your partner is not everything, that's a clear sign.
And I also think, to go back to the values part of that. You have to know what your values are to be able to identify if you guys share the same values because I believe that partnerships are going to be the most healthy and the most, like, fun to the end, if you guys are aligned on most of your values, because otherwise you're going to be in conflict. Yeah. And can you give a couple examples of values? Yeah. So honesty would be a good one. So, if you, if you really value, being honest with other people, being honest with yourself, you know, not living a lie. And your partner, by his behavior shows that maybe he doesn't value that, because he's been lying to you. He has a secret relationship, he has secret life, he has, you know, whatever it is. That's a big one. I would say, along with that, like the integrity. So if you really value being into integrity with yourself and taking accountability, and being vulnerable, and your partner is not not interested in that. That's a good thing, too. I guide my clients, when I'm helping them figure out their values of like, what is the thing that pisses you off the most? If someone does, because that usually points to something that you really care deeply about. So this is a less serious example. But if you see someone litter on the street, and you get just irate, and like, how can they how can they do that to the earth, and like priority and global warming, and you know, it just like, sets you off? It's pretty good, you know, points directly to your value of nature, or taking care of the earth or, you know, being considerate, whatever the value is. That's usually a good like, because Because women who haven't taken the time to think about their values are like, I don't know, what's the value, you know, and I was there, too. I'm like, my value. Whoa, is that a value? So that's a good, that's a good way to? Yeah, that's great. Well, so say that someone listening to this is thinking, gosh, you know, I am in a toxic relationship, what would be one of the first steps that they could do? And then we talked about it? Would you recommend it? You know, follow me on Instagram, reach out? Like, it won't be one of the first things that they should do? Yeah. If if you're having any sort of feeling in your body that this is not good. First of all, just acknowledge that your body's saying that to you could do anything with the information. But then educating yourself is kind of the next step. So I have a free resource for people. It's a masterclass, called seven questions to ask yourself, if you think you're in a toxic relationship. So that is a good information gathering exercise, where I'll guide you through the questions, you just answer them. That's all you have to do. And it's it's downloadable, it's, you know, it's already previously recorded, so you don't have to attend a live event for that. But allowing yourself to answer those questions, most honestly, again, is going to benefit you. Okay, and then, and knowing that, even if you go through the entire exercise, and you answer all the questions like, oh my god, there's still no pressure to do anything with that information. You're just gathering data, I'm gonna say that many times. Everything is about gathering the data until it makes sense to take an action. Because I also hear from women of like, you know, I'm scared to look at it, because then that means I'm gonna have to leave. Like, that doesn't mean that it means that you might have information that conflict, you saying, but you always have the, you always have the power of what you're doing. So gathering information, I want to take the fear out of that for people because information is power, we know that in every part of our life. And so if you can gather information, without the assumption, that you're gonna have to change your life tomorrow, that's gonna help you receive the information a little bit better. For sure. Yeah. I mean, like, at the core of it, like the fear of, oh my god, am I gonna have to end the relationship? Or do I have to sync up the relationship now? And I really liked that approach. Three is okay, what is gathering information?
Yeah, and I offer a free session for folks, whether they've taken that master class or not. And that's just a time for, for me to get to know their story for them to share their story. And then if I feel like I can help, we can talk about what coaching looks like, but to be able to sort of process through what you've uncovered through those questions. With somebody who understands it's also very helpful. Um, because sometimes, you know, our friends and family, try their damnedest to understand where we're at and, you know, hold space is, and sometimes they do a really good job. But other times you can get that reaction of just leave him already. Like he's cheated on you 17 times, like, how, what else do you need? You know. And to your point from the beginning, it's not that easy. It's, it's so complicated. And so to be met with judgment, like that, from someone who you're hoping can hold space can be actually really hurtful to your, your mental health and your situation. So just being careful of who you're choosing to share your really precious vulnerable gems with think is important. Preserve Preserve. Yeah, I mean, because you don't want to leave him, you don't want to like you open up to someone and haven't met with, I don't know, a little bit of dismissal, or you don't want the gaslighting to continue. But I assume that's exactly what you don't want. And so, yeah, that's great. So seven questions to ask yourself, and you also offer a free call to so how would someone find these resources? Would it be on your Instagram profile? Yep. So on my Instagram profile, there is a link, I think it's directly to the master class. So once you click the master class, there's a link to schedule the free session. But if they just wanted the free session, and already know that it's toxic, they don't need to go through the information gathering part. just message me on Instagram, and I'll send them the link to my calendar. And then all of this is also on my website. So if people go to it's just free will they can find those links there too. Is there? Is there a period in the breed welcome, or just one word? Nope, just Yeah. br EWOL is you have a unique name where you can find the name of your on Instagram and is lucid with free. Okay. And there's a period in between each of those words, but if you search like toxic relationship coach, I pop up too. So awesome. Well, I'll definitely put that in the notes. So that's great. Yeah. So we know from my perspective, it sounds like you have a really great program. And when I make up to it's kind of like a more of a guide, it's no pressure, we're going to talk about some data. And you're gonna be able to share in a safe place. And then if you want to continue sounds like you do a little bit of kind of family of origin coaching, a little bit of where this comes from, and then continuing to work on that. And you said you have a you do a 12 week program. Yeah. Welcome weeks.
So we meet weekly, over zoom. So I do work with people outside of Colorado, where I'm based. And then as part of my coaching, I incorporate some spiritual and energetic practices as well. So at the beginning of every session, do a grounding exercise, they're the energy, we help them come back into their body. I use spirit oracle cards, which is a version of the tarot card that we pull for them for a message every session. And then I also do an inner child guided visualization. As part of the curriculum, I don't like that word. But as part of the 12 weeks, we go through that to help them connect to their inner child. And then at the, towards the end of the 12 weeks, we do a cord cutting ceremony, which is also a guided visualization. And courting series can be done different ways. And so the way that I do it is you detaching from a past version of yourself. So if you can think about this energetic tie that you have, towards the version of yourself in the relationship, versus the version of yourself that you want to be your higher self, that you have something anchoring down this energetic tug. When you release that, when you come to the place of knowing that you don't want to be codependent anymore, you don't want to be boundaryless anymore. You know, whatever the patterns are, that you had in that relationship, we can release that version of you so that you can forward. So it's a really cool commitment ceremony really. And, like the work that we've done, what you've learned about yourself, what you've recognized that you don't want to participate in anymore. And so even in that ceremony, we're not detaching from the person so even if they are staying if they're choosing consciously to still be in a relationship, they can still release that version of themselves. Never at any point in the, in the 12 weeks, and they're like, Okay, it's time to break up with him. Unless that's something that they want to do. And then we will go through the steps to how to do that. But there's no, there's no pressure at any any point because all of the work that I'm doing is helping them come back to themselves. And if they leave the 12 weeks feeling empowered and confident, and boundaries, and they still aren't quite ready to, to let go of that person, like, okay, so usually, when they get to that point, they can see that the situation is not serving them, and they do choose to leave. But that's never going to be like, Okay, it's week seven, like, time to go. Cool. Glow. Three, no, I'm really glad that you are offering this service. And especially with your background, your experience, you know, I was thinking this could be like a vital lifeline for some people. So I'm really happy to be doing this work and, and selfishly as a relationship coach. I've sent people over, check out breathe Instagram, if you have any question about toxic relationships, so it's nice, and you'll get a resource for me, but I'm really glad. And it sounds like your your program is amazing. Thank you. Yeah, it feels like we can help support people on either end of where they are. Right? If they If a partner is willing to participate in healing our relationship, like Jason is not willing. And the woman is beating your head against a wall. And then when she can come to me, yeah, perfect. We'd like need one of those shields is like yes. No diagrams. Is your partner willing to work? No. Okay. Yeah, but so will breeze or anything else that you would like to share? Kind of any, like closing thoughts like that? No, the only thing that I have coming up soonish, hopefully this spring, early summer is I want to launch a group coaching program. So currently, I'm working individually with women. But it's will be really incredible to hold a group of women working through the 12 weeks together. Because there's, again to the isolation and feeling alone and part. You know, there's a lot of power that comes from groups of any kind, whether it's an AAA group or or other kind of sharing circle. So to have other women be able to see that, like, you're experiencing that, too. I'm really excited about so I don't have an exact launch date yet for that. But it'll be coming. Spring, Flash summer this year.
Yeah, great. Yeah. I mean, I could imagine how potentially powerful that would be. So that's, that's awesome. Yeah, yes. And I just, I really appreciate the space to share. I think the more that women can share their experience, the more we can D stigmatize what it is when you're in a relationship like that, and just helping you being a vehicle to help women get help them to help them find their empowerment is awesome. So thank you for having me. Yeah. Well, awesome. Well, thank you, Bree. Well, it was nice chatting with you, and enjoy the rest of the week. And Bree, I know we'll stay in touch. So you know whether you're watching this on YouTube social media, I'm sure we'll have other collaborations in the future. So awesome. Yeah.
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