Want one way to work on the natural annoyances and resentments you may have towards your partner? Have them go away for a week while you're home with the kids. I share my experience of my wife going out of town and I was so happy when she got back! I missed her so much, and I was glad she was back to help! Now to cash in on the me-time!
Welcome to The Healthy Relationship secrets for parents podcast, saving your relationship from parenthood. So the question is, how can we be great parents and have an amazing relationship at the same time? That's the question. And this podcast will provide the answers. Hey, what's up everyone, Jason Polk here, again, I want to share a little bit of update of what's been going on at the household. So my wife was at a town last week. And boy am I excited that she's back. Two young daughters at the house. And as a result of that experience, I have a lot of empathy and compassion for single parents. And I found one way to work on resentments in your relationship. One way to work on resentments and annoyance in your relationship is to have your partner go out of town for a week, because you will be grateful for all the things they do. And you'll be grateful for the help when they return as well, it seems a lot easier when you know, to two hands on deck. I don't know if I said that right? To parents on deck, I may be totally butchering that expression. And it's almost like when your partner comes back, you give him a hug. I missed you so much, dear. And in the back of your mind, you're safe. And I'm so glad you're back to help. And you know what? Tomorrow, I'm gonna have my own day. So have fun with the kids there. And going back to annoyances, if your partner is generally annoying to you, at the very least appreciate their help. And hopefully they do something because you can do this exercise without actually having your partner go out of town. And even if you guys do have different ideas of what help is, it's still important to appreciate what they are doing. And if you do have ideas of how your partner can help, I always recommend be explicit and request. See what happens. Here's a quick tip. If you find yourself annoyed with your partner, often, maybe you too, simply need to go on a date or two or three. I say this often with the people I work with. If we feel connected with our partner, their natural annoyances are not as loud. There's something about it. We are all annoying. And we are all high minutes. I got that quote from Stan tack, and it's true. But if we're feeling connected, as I mentioned, the annoyance the volume seems to be turned down a little bit. Going back to my experience parenting, with my wife being gone. Obviously, if you know when they're in school or daycare, you know, the day is fine, obviously at home doing work, but when they're both home, and it's time to get ready in the morning, or time to get ready in the bed for bed. Obviously, that can be challenging. Our nine month old gets distracted when her big sister is downstairs playing. So as a result at nighttime, we need to go upstairs to theater. And so this means that big sister, Josie is by herself for a while. And one night this happened. And Josie came upstairs when I was feeding our nine month old. And Josie says Dan, I'm scared. And I said oh my goodness, Josie I'm sorry, what's making you feel scared? And she asked is wolves are going to get us you know, like the big bag Wolf. And she wanted to know if like a pack of wolves are gonna get us I told her no. I said, Hey, dear, we live in a city. You don't have to worry about that. But I think basically what she wanted was some reassurance. And I would say she wanted some connection on connecting with your kids. This is kind of a side note. My wife and I we recently took the positive parenting solutions course by Amy McCready. And oh my gosh, do I recommend it. I'm not getting commissioned for this. But it's one of the best courses that I've taken in the course he talks about the most powerful tool we have as parents, and she calls it Mind Body Soul time, which basically means that you're giving undistracted individual attention to your kid. That means just parent and kid, no distractions, no siblings, no other just the two of you. And you do what they want to do, which basically means you play in what she refers to as the child ego state. And it's good for the kid but also was good for the parent as well. Because how often do we find ourselves during the day in that child ego state and the point of it is develop your developing relationship and connection so your child feels belonging. And when they feel belonging and significant, they are getting their emotional needs met. And thus you experienced less tantrums, and difficulty. And the relationship and the bond between the two of you increases. And it's quite amazing and fun to experience that. So I highly recommend it. Mind Body Soul, time to check it out. So going back to my wife being away with one parent, it makes it harder to do that Mind Body Soul time with just one of us. And honestly, I had a little bit of the grip. The grip, honestly, I had a little bit of a guilt creeping in. You know, that was it as part of being a parent, you know, a little bit of guilt when my daughter Josie came up being scared. Yeah, I felt like, hey, you know, she's had a lot of alone time by herself this evening. But I'm grateful that my wife is back this week. So we have less of that. But if you do feel guilt, here is a quick self esteem exercise. I can. So before you do this, take a deep breath. And simply say to yourself, I can hold myself in warm regard. Despite my shortcomings, and limitations. As a parent, I am trying my best. I think that's a good reminder. So if you want to work on annoyances, and resentments, tell your partner to go away for a week, and you indicate stay home. Or if you want to work on appreciation and gratitude, without your partner being away. Simply Be aware, maybe reflect take note on all the things that they do do to help out as parenting that can shift your mind state. And always this is for parents to have a healthy relationship. And as I mentioned in this podcast, don't forget about date night. Don't forget about vacations for this the two of you, because when you feel connected, when you feel supported by each other, you are going to be better parents. Thanks for listening. Hey, thank you so much for listening. And if this was helpful, please give me a review and share this with a friend. Thank you so much.